


Show Me This Strange Earth Custom You Call "Sex"

by TheseusInTheMaze



Series: Variations on a Dan [5]
Category: Ninja Sex Party - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bukkake, M/M, Premature Ejaculation, Tentacles, Unusual Sex, Xeno, but not like you think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-08 20:07:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13465611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheseusInTheMaze/pseuds/TheseusInTheMaze
Summary: Danny Sexbang runs into someone unexpected in the strange white place.





	Show Me This Strange Earth Custom You Call "Sex"

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fringewrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fringewrites/gifts), [HerbertBest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerbertBest/gifts).



> ... don't ask.

Danny Sexbang wasn’t expecting the alien that he ran into.

It was… well, it was something.

“So you’re saying you’re a me from another dimension?”

They _were_ in the great white place, where Danny occasionally showed up, but usually the people who he ran into were usually… well, variations on himself, but this didn’t look like him… exactly.

There were long arms - and there were three sets of them. 

The middle ones were kept close to the body, and the hands were covered by… something or other. 

They looked kind of like mittens, out of a shimmery green-blue fabric.

One set of hands looked like a daisy chain, all around the wrist. 

One set was just suction cups. 

Dan wasn’t there, which was a pity - Danny liked Dan, in spite of himself.

Dan was boring as hell, but he was cute, and he gave _excellent_ head. 

This guy… was not boring.

He had antennae.

He had tentacles instead of feet.

He was looking at Danny with what had to be a face, because it was pointed towards Danny, and that meant it was a face, right?

It was also a light blue, and it had… maybe it was hair?

It moved like it was underwater. 

Sensory tentacles?

It - he? Usually the things that Danny ran into around here were “he” - reminded Danny of nothing so much as a rip off Oankali.

He’d never tell the Oankali that, though - those guys were really up their own butts with their own superiority complexes.

Good in the sack, though!

The… what he was kept staring at Danny with an eager expression.

That was novel, at least. 

“We’re all from different dimensions,” Danny said airily. “We’re all from the same base of sexiness - obviously, me - and then we just kinda… change.”

“Huh,” said the thing. “So you’re like a hideously ugly human version of me?”

“I think you mean… hideously sexy,” said Danny Sexbang, and he struck a pose. 

“Aren’t those contradictory terms?”

The thing cocked his head, looking confused.

The movement of its hair, which did indeed spring around its head like the same curls that graced Danny’s own noble, sexy brow.

“They don’t have to be,” said Danny, giving him the trademark Sexbang wink.

“I feel like this is a human thing,” he said. “But my name is D!n.” 

“D….n.”

“D!n.”

“D?n.”

“D!n.”

“D!n.”

“Very good!”

One of the suction cup hands went on Danny’s shoulder, and it was almost, but not quite like when Danny had tried to seduce that one squid girl.

At least there were fewer squid puns with this guy.

… hopefully.

“So what is this place?”

Danny shrugged, and he patted the hand on his arm.

“There’s not much to do here. We eat cheese sandwiches, or we take showers. You can sleep. Sleep sometimes takes you back to where you’re from. Sometimes it doesn’t.”

“Cheese. Is that a human thing?”

“Well, I’m sure there’s cheese made from humans, but this is made from cows.”

“Are cows a human thing?”

“No, they’re cows.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“So enough small talk,” said Danny, and he tried to do a seductive hip wiggle. “I’m sure your species… what are you?”

“Zognoid,” D!n said cheerfully.

“Well, I’m sure you Zognoids know how to have some… fun….”

Danny waggled his eyebrows. 

“We have quite a few recreational activities,” D!n said, and his head tentacles were doing… something.

At least if Danny didn’t look too closely, he didn’t get queasy. 

D!n seemed to have… some kind of mouth.

It opened, and a long, long tongue came out.

It was green.

Holy _shit_.

“What kind of fun do you guys do?”

“We have this game -”

“I wasn’t thinking of games,” said Danny. “I was thinking of… something a bit more adult.

D!n made a wheezing sound that Danny realized was possibly a laugh. 

Maybe?

Zognoids were hard to read.

“You don’t have to be a youth to enjoy a good game,” D!n said in a voice that was far, far too earnest.

Danny suspected that the white room translated things. 

Something about D!n’s cadence was a bit too… measured, compared to other aliens that Danny had heard speaking.

Especially with that tongue.

It would be hard to say certain sounds with it.

“I’m talking about… sexy games,” said Danny, and he did a little hip shimmy.

Excalibur, always a trooper, was managing to rise to the occasion. 

“Sexy games,” D!n said, and he looked confused.

“You know. Sex. Fucking. Making the beast with two backs. Screwing. Storming the pearly gates with your purple headed devil.”

“... what’s purple?”

“I mean, on humans it’s purple,” said Danny. “I… don’t know how you people work.”

“Well -”

“How about I give you a demonstration of just how… purple it turns, hm?”

Danny gave another shimmy.

In the spandex, his glorious boner was already outlined, and he looked down at it, then looked up at… approximately where he thought the Zognoid’s eyes were.

He gave a slow, sexy smile that worked a full twenty three percent of the time.

“You wanna… do something about that?”

“I don’t know what that is,” said D!n.

“Oh,” said Danny. “It’s my dick. I call it… Excalibur.”

“Alright,” said D!n. “What’s a dick?”

“... my penis,” said Danny. 

He was having to start from the very beginning, it seemed.

“This is how I reproduce,” Danny said, indicating his penis.

“Oh,” said D!n. “Wait. Why is it there?”

“Where are your reproductive organs?”

The Zognoid lifted up his middle set of arms, showing his covered hands.

Hmm.

Well, he _was_ naked, apart from that.

“You wanna see my penis?”

“... sure,” said D!n. “There’s not much else to do around here.

* * * 

They went into a bedroom, because just dropping trou in the middle of the hallway felt… wrong, somehow.

So Danny wriggled out of his spandex, and D!n watched with interest.

“Are those all sensory tentacles?”

He indicated the light dusting of hair across Dan’s chest.

“I don’t have sensory tentacles,” said Danny. “I have sensory organs.”

And then he shoved his tights all the way down, around his knees, and there was Excalibur.

It was standing at attention, pointing towards Danny’s chin.

“That looks… kind of like a tentacle,” said D!n. “Can I touch it?”

“Sure,” said Danny. “That’s going to give me a good deal of sexual pleasure.”

“We don’t really… I mean, we feel sexual pleasure, but it’s kind of complicated,” said D!n.

“Yeah?”

Danny wasn’t really paying attention.

There were a pair of suction cups wrapped around his dick, and that felt… okay, that felt strange.

Well and truly strange, and Danny had to close his eyes and take it in, as D!n pushed it.

“Move your hands up and down,” said Danny.

“Like… this?”

D!n shifted… something or other.

His arms were large, and not exactly boneless, but… bendy nonetheless.

And then it was… it was surrounding Danny’s cock, and that was perfect, it was so good, it was… oh… fuck….

Danny lost himself in the sensation of it, even if it was hard to describe.

But it was tight and it was warm (ish) and it was enveloping his dick, and already Danny’s cock was starting to swell already, starting to throb in time with the desperate drumming of Danny’s heart.

And then he came, right across the Zognoid’s suction cups, and he shuddered, he sobbed, holding back the crying for once, just letting his knees go weak and leaning heavily against the wall.

“It didn’t really turn purple,” said D!n.

“It does sometimes,” said Dany. “In theory.”

“Interesting,” said D!n.

He looked nervous.

“Would you like me to… help you out?”

Danny waggled his eyebrows. 

“Well….”

The Zognoid’s tentacles were drawing closer to his head, as if he was blushing. “If you’d like….”

“Oh, I do insist,” said Danny. “If you want me to, I mean. If you don’t want me to.. That’s fine.”

“No, no,” said D!n.

He pulled the gloves off of his middle set of hands, slowly, and he let them drop on the floor.

He had… hands.

Hands that looked like human hands, more or less.

Long and spindly, true, but still human looking.

And there was… an oversized thumb, throbbing faintly in the cooler air. 

There was one on each 

The same kind of oversized thumb that Danny had, that Dan had, that Alex had, that all of them had.

Only it was glowing faintly blue.

“... rub that,” said D!n. 

“Your thumb?”

“If that’s what you call it, then sure,” said D!n, holding his hands out.

So Danny… took the Zognoid’s hands in his own, and he rubbed the thumb.

D!n’s tentacles did interesting things, and his antennae waved around, as Danny rubbed, and then there was just… goo.

Blue goo.

So much blue goo, spraying out, at first, and then it was just… trickling, but it kept coming, across Danny’s hands, across his chest, down to coat his dick, even a bit of it on Danny’s chest.

It smelled like nothing so much as laundry detergent. 

“... sorry,” said D!n, his whole body still shuddering, more goo still pouring out and dripping off of Danny’s palms. “It, uh… usually I’m inside of someone when I do that.”

“... right,” said Danny, and he tried to smile encouragingly.

It wasn’t the first time he’d done something sexy with an alien and had it turn out strangely.

At least this time it wasn’t acidic, right?

And D!n seemed nice.

If a bit… gooey.

**Author's Note:**

> BLAME FAIGE!


End file.
